Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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