dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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