Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
