I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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