Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
