why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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