i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
