you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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