I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
