Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
