Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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