ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
