I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
