i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
