you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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