Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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