You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Porn is love you can see.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
did i walk over a car last night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize