i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
