Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
