I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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