going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
