I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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