So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
