He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
