the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
