I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
