Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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