I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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