I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
