I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
