This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she peed on how many people?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
