Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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