Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Umm I'm too high to move.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
