My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They took my balls.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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