I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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