If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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