$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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