TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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