no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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