How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize