every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
