I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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