She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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