he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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