genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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