Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
