Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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