its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
