ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
