I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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