We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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