he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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