1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
