How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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