I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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