we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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