Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
