Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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