please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
