Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
