I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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