I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
