You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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