This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
