the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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