I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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