It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
