youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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