About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
