dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I party with great urgency now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
