So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
