Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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