tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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