I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
