Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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