Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
