Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
