Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
