I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
