ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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