It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
