woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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